Why I Hyperfocus on Online Shopping (and Never Actually Buy Anything)

Being an autistic ADHD man means my brain is basically running on two different operating systems at once. Sometimes they work beautifully together, other times… not so much. A perfect example? Online shopping.

Here’s the routine: I’ll sit down to “just quickly” look for a new jacket. Three hours later I’ve got 47 tabs open, I’ve compared materials, shipping times, reviews, YouTube unboxings, and the ethical supply chain of every brand. I could probably give a TED Talk on polyester versus organic cotton by the end of it.

That’s the hyperfocus kicking in—my ADHD brain locks onto the task like it’s a life mission. It feels exciting, purposeful, almost heroic. Meanwhile, my autistic side joins the party and says, “Let’s analyse every possible detail until we’re 100% certain we’ve found the perfect option.”

And then… I don’t buy anything.

Why? Because perfection never actually shows up. The sleeves are too short, the stitching looks off, the shipping is $15, or the brand once had a scandal in 2009. My autistic brain demands certainty, and my ADHD brain gets bored before we get there. The cart stays full, the bank account stays untouched, and I walk away with nothing but a headache and a mental fashion catalogue.

The funny thing is, I don’t even mind it anymore. Sometimes the browsing itself scratches the itch. It’s like window shopping, but turbo-charged. I get the dopamine rush of researching without the regret of an impulse buy.

So if you ever wonder why I always look like I’m wearing the same jacket, it’s not because I don’t want a new one. It’s because somewhere, in an open tab from six months ago, the perfect jacket still hasn’t passed my 42-step vetting process.