I’m just highly allergic to the word ‘should’.

If there’s one thing I’ve mastered in life, it’s the art of not doing what I’m told. As an autistic man with Pathological Demand Avoidance (or as I prefer, Persistent Desire for Autonomy), my daily routine is basically a stand-up comedy sketch about dodging demands—sometimes even ones I make on myself.

Tell me to relax? Instantly tense.

Remind me to pay a bill? Suddenly I’m deep-diving into the history of medieval spoons.

Ask me to go to bed early? Now I’m determined to stay up until 3am researching how astronauts clip their nails in space.

It’s not rebellion for the sake of rebellion—it’s more like my brain has a pop-up blocker for instructions. The second I sense a “must,” “should,” or “have to,” my nervous system hits the emergency eject button.

Even the small stuff gets me. I’ll think, “I should shower.” Boom—nope. My body has now unionised against the suggestion. But if I casually wander past the bathroom and think, “Hmm, hot water feels nice,” suddenly I’m in there belting out power ballads

Relationships can be entertaining too. Friends ask, “Want to catch up?” and I feel the pressure building. But if they say, “Hey, no worries if not, I’ll just be around,” suddenly I’m there early with snacks. My PDA brain likes to think it’s making its own choices—even if those choices end up being exactly what someone suggested in the first place.

The truth is, PDA isn’t laziness or stubbornness. It’s a wiring quirk. My nervous system is basically a drama queen that panics whenever it thinks my autonomy is under threat. Add in a little humour, a lot of negotiation, and a supportive community, and life becomes less about avoiding demands and more about creatively sidestepping them.

So yes, I might look like I’m allergic to instructions. But honestly? I’m just practising advanced-level autonomy. And sometimes, the best way to cope with being demand-avoidant is to laugh at it—and to write a blog post I absolutely refused to start until I tricked myself into thinking it was just “messing around with words.”