Unmasking Without Fear: A Guide for Neurodivergent Youth

Masking means hiding or covering up parts of who you are to fit in with other people’s expectations. For neurodivergent young people—autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, or otherwise—masking can look like forcing eye contact, copying how others talk, laughing at jokes you don’t get, or pretending you’re not overwhelmed when you really are.

Why do we mask?

Most of us start masking because we want to feel safe. Maybe it’s to avoid bullying at school, to get teachers off our back, or to stop parents from worrying. Sometimes it’s about wanting to belong, and other times it’s about survival—because the world doesn’t always understand or accept difference.

The cost of masking

Masking can help you “pass” in certain spaces, but it can also be exhausting. It uses up a lot of energy and can leave you feeling burnt out, anxious, or even disconnected from your true self. Many young people say that after a full day of masking at school, they come home completely drained.

When might it feel safe to unmask?

Unmasking doesn’t mean you have to drop all your coping strategies at once. It means showing more of your authentic self in the spaces and with the people where you feel supported. Safe unmasking might look like:

Stimming openly (flapping, tapping, rocking) around friends who understand.

Saying “I need a break” instead of forcing yourself through sensory overload.

Talking about your special interests without holding back.

Letting your real communication style show, whether that’s being blunt, quiet, or enthusiastic.

Finding safe places

You might feel safer to unmask with:

Friends who accept you as you are.

Online communities where other neurodivergent people share similar experiences.

Youth groups, clubs, or spaces that are explicitly neurodiversity-affirming.

At home, if your family is supportive.

The balance

There’s no rule that says you must unmask all the time. It’s about choice. Masking can be a useful tool in situations where safety is at risk, but it shouldn’t be the only way you survive. The goal is to build a life with more places where you don’t need to hide.

Masking is a survival skill—but it shouldn’t have to be your whole life. Learning when and where it’s safe to unmask helps you protect your energy, find your people, and feel more like yourself.