Come Out? Or Just Let the Right People In?

When people talk about being LGBTQIA+, they often use the phrase “coming out.” It suggests a big announcement, a dramatic reveal, or stepping into the spotlight. But for many of us—especially if we’re also autistic or otherwise neurodivergent—that idea can feel overwhelming, unsafe, or just not quite right.

That’s why some young people are choosing a different way to think about it: inviting people in.

What does that mean?

Instead of feeling pressure to tell the whole world about your identity, you choose the people you trust and bring them into your truth. It’s less about standing on a stage and more about opening a door to your inner circle.

Why “inviting in” feels different

It puts you in control of who knows and when.

It takes away the pressure to make one big announcement.

It frames your identity as something valuable, personal, and worth being trusted with.

It recognises that safety matters—you don’t owe your truth to anyone who won’t respect it.

How it can look in real life

Inviting someone in might mean:

Quietly telling a close friend that you’re non-binary.

Sending a message to a cousin you trust, sharing that you’re gay.

Letting a teacher know your pronouns, without feeling you have to explain to the whole class.

Sharing slowly, over time, instead of feeling like it has to happen all at once.

The power of choice

Both “coming out” and “inviting in” are valid. Some people love the celebration of coming out, others prefer the intimacy of inviting in. The important thing is that you get to choose how and when to share your identity.

Inviting people in is about shifting the story: you’re not stepping out to prove yourself—you’re letting trusted people step closer to who you really are.